This time last year we were contacting home study agencies to start the process of growing our family through adoption. Now as I sit here on a snowy Saturday morning reading through my posts from the last 12 months, I can't believe we are still waiting. I think it's okay to admit there is some weariness that has crept up on us as we continue to pray and seek and desperately long to cradle those babies of ours that we have yet to meet.
As we continue to wait, I cling to what I know to be true. I know that the Lord is good (Psalms 107:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."). I know he cares about me (1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon on Him, for He cares for you."). I know that He is guiding us (Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps").
There are so many tangible and intangible lessons that He has taught me throughout this year. One of the most obvious is that He is a God who provides. We are fully funded for the agency fees (if we are still matched through An Open Door Adoption Agency). There is no other way around it but to know that God is the one who orchestrated that. The thought hit me recently that a prayer of mine when we started the adoption process was that we would be able to adopt debt free. In my readiness to accuse the Lord of not answering our prayers to be matched with a birthmom, I had totally neglected to remember He was answering my earlier prayer to adopt debt free. The adoption fee itself is a larger amount than I make in a year at my job. Isn't that incredible?
Another joy that I may not have experienced if things had happened on my timeline is our Adoptive Mom's group. We have met a couple of times and talked about our personal adoption experiences as well as ways to get the church more involved in supporting adoption and orphan care. These ladies are such a blessing in my life, and it has been so good for me to talk realistically about adoption in a safe environment.
In my own time with the Lord, I have learned so much about trusting, waiting and trusting some more. I have been convicted about my motivations toward adoption, purposefulness in responding to the call to care for the fatherless of the world, and so many other lessons. He has taken so much of the sting of infertility out of my heart. He has shown me the silver lining. The joy in the journey. "I will sing of your mercy that leads through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy."
Where are we now in the process? Still waiting. And waiting some more. We have prayed and agonized over whether to submit our profile to a second agency. After finally deciding to look into it, we have hit wall after wall with every other agency we have talked to. If it had been this hard to choose an agency the first time around, I don't know if we would have had the patience to continue looking. The Lord may be telling us to just sit tight with our current agency. Or, the perfect second agency may just require a little more looking and a little more patience on our part.
If you think of us, pray for clarity and patience as we wait. Pray for joy in the journey. :)
